What The Possible Self Taught Me About Identity, Integration, and Becoming the Coach You’re Meant to Be
I picked up The Possible Self by Maja Djikic expecting a book about personal development.
What I didn’t expect was an invitation to examine the deeper layers of my own identity—and what it means to be a coach.
This book doesn’t just talk about behavior change. It offers a powerful lens on the self as an integrated whole: mind, emotions, body, motivations, and the learnings we carry from our past. For those of us building sustainable coaching practices, Djikic’s insights are more than theoretical. They’re deeply personal.
In our latest episode of The Coaching Book Club Podcast, Ken McKellar and I dove into why this book matters so much for coaches—and how it’s reshaping the way I think about my own presence, practice, and growth.
Here are a few reflections that have stayed with me since that conversation.
Behavior Change Isn’t Enough
Djikic writes:
“The self is not just our behaviors. It is also our mind, emotions, motivations, and past learnings carried in our bodies.”
That landed.
So often, clients (and we as coaches) focus on the visible: the goals, the habits, the productivity hacks. But behavior alone is just the tip of the iceberg.
True growth happens when we help clients explore the beliefs, emotions, and bodily experiences underlying their actions.
This reminds me of ICF Core Competency 7: Evokes Awareness—our role isn’t just to help clients change what they do, but to help them see who they’re becoming.
It’s also a reminder for myself. If I only focus on my own “to-do list” as a coach, I risk missing the deeper integration that sustains my practice.
Wants Are Developmental
One of Djikic’s most powerful reframes is this:
“Wants are the force of our motivational system, pulling us toward our potential.”
Wants aren’t indulgent. They’re signals of growth.
As coaches, we often ask, “What do you want?” But Djikic invites us to go deeper:
“What’s important about this for you right now?”
That little phrase—right now—matters.
Honoring a client’s wants as valid and meaningful creates the trust and safety they need to explore deeper. (ICF Core Competency 4: Cultivates Trust and Safety.)
It also matters for me as a coach. Am I honoring my own wants—the things that bring me alive—in how I structure my business?
Emotions Are Energy & Signals
Another passage that struck me:
“Emotions are a signaling system that tells us where we stand in relation to our wants.”
In other words, emotions aren’t detours. They’re data.
Listening actively (ICF Core Competency 6) isn’t just about words—it’s about attuning to the emotional energy behind them.
I’m noticing this in my own work. When a client lights up telling a story or tears up recalling a past project, there’s a want hiding in that energy—maybe for impact, creativity, freedom—that hasn’t been met in a while.
This book reminded me that my role isn’t to “fix” those emotions but to hold space for them—so clients can discover what they’re pointing to.
Closed Beliefs Keep Us Stuck
Djikic writes:
“Closed constructs... generalize across situations, people, and time.”
We’ve all seen it. A client wants to launch a program but feels paralyzed by a belief like, “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never get what I need.”
Helping clients notice and name these “inefficient constructs” gives them the chance to update their self-concept—and create new outcomes.
This is central to ICF Core Competency 8: Facilitates Client Growth. And it’s also a practice I keep offering myself.
A Word About Us as Coaches
Reading this book reminded me why I stand for coaching as a profession rooted in authenticity, reflection, and ethical practice—where growth is about who you are as much as what you do.
I serve thoughtful, ambitious coaches who want to deepen their confidence, embody their presence, and build sustainable, authentic practices. In our work together, I create a warm, steady space where they feel safe to reflect, stretch, and grow—so they can trust themselves, step fully into their own unique way of coaching, and lead with quiet confidence.
That’s why this episode of the podcast felt so personal.
How I’m Using This in My Coaching Practice
Since reading The Possible Self, I’ve been:
Checking in with the deeper “why” behind my own goals
Holding space for my clients’ wants as signals of growth, not distractions
Attuning more closely to the emotions beneath their stories
Reflecting on my own beliefs and constructs that might need updating
Because here’s the truth I’m holding close:
You can’t coach from depletion.
You can only coach from presence.
And presence isn’t just about being “on” in a session. It’s about aligning who you are with how you show up.
A Final Word
Coaching isn’t just a skillset. It’s a shift in identity.
If you’re a coach in the process of becoming more yourself, I hope this episode speaks to you as much as this book did to me.
🎧 Listen to the full conversation here: Coaching Book Club Podcast
And let me leave you with the question I’ve been asking myself:
👉 What part of yourself is calling for integration right now?
