What Strong Ground Taught Me About Presence, Practice, and the Habits That Keep Us Comfortable
I picked up Strong Ground by Brené Brown expecting to revisit some familiar concepts about resilience and identity.
What I didn’t expect was how personally it would challenge the way I show up in my coaching practice.
This isn’t just a book about leading with courage. It’s a mirror—one that reflects how we subtly trade presence for performance, and instinct for habit, even when our intentions are good.
In our latest episode of The Coaching Book Club Podcast, Ken McKellar and I unpacked Part 1 of this book, and honestly? It cracked something open for me.
Here are a few reflections that are still unfolding.
The Habits That Once Protected Us Might Be Getting in the Way
Brené introduces the concept of “compensation muscles”—the strengths we lean on when we’re unsure, under-resourced, or off-center.
That landed hard.
For me, those muscles look like:
Asking too many questions
Trying to caretake the client instead of trusting them
Gathering more input rather than sitting with what’s already present
These aren’t bad behaviors. In fact, they’ve served me well in many moments. But when I’m not grounded, they become my coaching armor—protective, familiar, and ultimately limiting.
This echoes ICF Core Competency 2: Embodies a Coaching Mindset. Because presence isn’t about being polished. It’s about being real.
And that’s the work, isn’t it?
Unlearning the ways we over-function so we can return to center.
Performance Can Feel Safer Than Presence
There’s a moment in the book where Brené describes the difference between “performing strength” and “practicing strength.” That distinction stopped me in my tracks.
In coaching, it’s so tempting to over-deliver—especially when we want to prove ourselves. (And let’s be honest, most of us still have days when we feel like we’re not “real” coaches yet.)
But coaching isn’t theater. It’s relationship.
And true strength—real strong ground—comes not from how much we do, but from how well we listen, notice, and allow space for what’s trying to emerge.
ICF Core Competency 6: Listens Actively calls us to attune not just to words, but to energy, patterns, and pause.
That requires courage. And practice. And often, restraint.
Repetition Builds Strength—But Only If It’s Intentional
One of the themes we explored in the episode was how easy it is to default into patterns that look like mastery, but aren’t.
That resonated deeply.
In my own MCC journey, I’ve noticed how often I’ll slip into a well-worn coaching move—not because it’s what’s needed, but because it’s what’s available in the moment.
And honestly? Sometimes it’s just easier than staying in the tension of not knowing.
But growth lives in that tension.
And mastery—true mastery—doesn’t come from perfecting a set of moves. It comes from practicing presence, over and over again, even when it’s messy.
That’s ICF Core Competency 7: Evokes Awareness. Not through performance. But through staying present enough to let awareness arise.
A Word About Us as Coaches
Reading Strong Ground reminded me why I believe in coaching as a profession that requires presence, not just technique.
I work with coaches who are growing their confidence, deepening their presence, and building businesses that reflect who they truly are. And in that work, we’re often unlearning—old habits, old measures of success, old ideas about what it means to be “good.”
We’re making room for something slower, deeper, and more aligned.
That’s why this episode felt so personal.
How I’m Using This in My Coaching Practice
Since reading Strong Ground, I’ve been:
Noticing when I’m reaching for an old coaching habit instead of being in the moment
Practicing restraint—not to withhold, but to invite more from the client
Re-centering myself before sessions so I can coach from grounded presence
Being gentler with myself when I catch a “compensation move” sneaking in
Because here’s what I’m learning:
You don’t have to earn your worth through over-delivering.
You don’t have to prove your presence.
You just have to return to it.
A Final Word
Coaching isn’t a performance.
It’s a practice.
And like all meaningful practices, it asks us to show up, notice our habits, and keep choosing the kind of strength that grows from the inside out.
If you’re exploring this shift too—away from performance and into presence—I hope this episode offers both challenge and encouragement.
You can listen to the conversation on the Coaching Book Club Podcast (Part 1 of Strong Ground).
The book is available wherever you get your favorite reads.
And for those who want to reflect more deeply, our free Reflection Kit is available through the podcast page.
👉 One question I’m still holding:
When do I feel the urge to do more… instead of be with?
I’d love to know what this brings up for you.
